This has been an emotionally hard week for me. And today I fell apart over grapefruit.
I feel angry about a lot of things. School...Life. I've had 2 really hard tests recently. I know there are more important things in life, but failing tests seems pretty big to me.* My other classes are really confusing and I am behind in my printmaking class.** I have no desire to do homework or study. Ever. I'm done. And that makes me mad because I don't want to be like that.
To quote She's The Man, I just need to "suck it up...and rub some dirt in it" but it's hard.
My list of things to do just keeps getting longer and longer. I'm sick. Again. I feel like I get sick a lot. That makes me mad too. Stupid body.
So, because I'm sick (and I have no oranges) I thought I'd eat a grapefruit today. Then I decided I'd peel it and eat it the way my grandma does it (rather than cutting it in half and eating it with a spoon). I guess I don't have the skills she does because I ended up squishing most of it and making a mess. While I was feeling a little sad and sentimental about my grandma's style of eating a grapefruit, I started thinking about her. She moved into an assisted living home last week. It's hopefully temporary and she still has her house...but it's still sad. Her house is one of my favorite places. So I fell apart. Over grapefruit. Kinda. But it was really much more. The stuff hidden behind the thoughts of grapefruit. The buildup before the grapefruit. I'm not sure where I'll go from here. And I'm not sure why I'm sharing this. But it feels good to write it out. And maybe others can relate. Or maybe not. Either way....I'm going to eat my grapefruit.
*I don't know if I failed...probably not, but I didn't do well.
**I'll probably have to go in to the studio over the weekend.